Sorry in advance for a less than positive post.
I had a couple good shows in 2021.
Since then, a combination of a heavy workload and (mainland China) covid-control stress have left me basically unable to move forward musically.
Fairly often, an opportunity to spend some extended time with the machine ends in at least one bug report. (Yesterday: Classroom full of students, desktop app menu disappeared, couldn’t open anything. Today, sample player VST broke again in VSTPlugin. Like… what is happening here? Has it always been like this?)
So: My head is not in a good place. The tools are not flowing creatively. And where I live, there are few people doing what I do: no local support. A large amount of my communication is mediated through technology, which is its own frustration (is there any mobile input method that truly works?).
I find myself unable, on my own, to pull myself out of this.
Instinct says to go back to basics. I’m not sure what that means but it “feels right”…? So far I’ve been dissatisfied with the results (the trap there is to end up with just one layer, can be useful as an etude but it isn’t really a complete work).
I need some help. Today’s crash comes at a bad time mentally and leaves me feeling like the environment around me is against me, work pressures are against me, and even the tools are against me… it’s a mental trap but that’s where I am, today, and right now I don’t have the energy to fight it. I guess, take a nap and see how it goes tomorrow.
PS This might also suggest that I need to take another hiatus from answering questions here. It’s quite depleting actually.